Instant Pot Bougie Black beans

I know it’s not just me and my prepper-since-youth anxiety - we’re all getting end-times vibes, right?

Back in March, riding a wave of dark and urgent inspiration after Trump declared war on Iran, I wrote this Substack article in hopes of being helpful to folks new to the prepper scene. It was my attempt to impart some of my accumulated wisdom through an internet-rare leftist prepper lens.

What the hell does this have to do with black beans, you may ask? Well, friends, we all need to get a lot more comfortable with cooking pantry staples on a busy schedule in the anti-villager isolationist hellscape that is modern America…but not lose our sense of deliciousness in the process.

Like the late and beloved Anthony Bourdain, if I could choose a deathbed meal, it would probably be roasted bone marrow with a parsley & caper salad and a baguette, or possibly some exquisite sushi…but my third choice, far and away, would be an incredible bowl of rice and beans (with all the fixings). And, since we don’t raise animals that produce fine marrow nor catch fish that can safely be used for sushi, I make it my business to ensure we can still enjoy some end-times luxury in the form of excellent rice and beans.

We generally serve black beans on top of jasmine rice that we buy in bulk from Costco. It’s not organic, but I started buying it when I was so broke that lifting extra pickle relish & chopped onions to take home from the Costco hot dog condiments station was on my weekly to-do list (after buying a hot dog, of course)…and I’ve just never shifted the habit.

Please note: the following recipe is JUST for the beans themselves - not the full rice & beans bowl - so top them how you will. We usually add a small handful of shredded Cabot Seriously Sharp Vermont Cheddar Cheese(which we buy on sale in 3lb dairy blocks) + some home-grown cilantro and salsa. If you’re feeling extra fancy, stirring some canned corn into the beans can be a nice treat, and adds a fun extra pop of color to the finished dish.

PS: while rice & beans is a cheap DIY meal compared to most, you’ll notice that some of the ingredients in this recipe are, well…bougie. The explainer of these being high-class beans is literally in the title, so please don’t Bean Soup Theory™️ this (pun intended). I’m not going to offer cheaper substitutes here, or a way to make beans without using beans, or a way to cook these quickly without an Instant Pot. If this recipe doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry - but just move on.
For this recipe, the base price of the rice & beans alone costs us only ~$0.50/serving. However, even with all the additional spices and the fancy-ass vinegar, the cost per serving still comes out to only ~$1.05/serving with bargain-bin spice prices and only ~$1.25/serving with splurge-worthy spices like Penzey’s. The biggest cost per serving is the bougie aged sherry vinegar from Zingerman’s - i.e., the vintage Lamborghini in your bean pot - but I swear to jeebus it’s worth it.
Basically, if you want to omit something for cost, do so at your own risk - I disavow the outcomes. Good luck, soldier. Now…get cookin’.

Instant Pot Bougie Black Beans

Makes roughly 12 servings, or two 1-quart deli containers. If you have some extra liquid after decanting the beans into storage containers, keep it - it can be added back into the beans as you reheat them for serving.

Prep time: approx. 20 minutes.
Cook time: approx. 30 minutes, plus 30 minutes for steam venting.
Cost per serving: approx. $1.25 as directed, or approx. $1.75 with delicious bougie toppings (cheese, cilantro, salsa, & lime).

Tools

• Instant Pot

• Colander

• Long-handled spoon

Ingredients

• 3 cups dry black beans

• 1/2 of a small white onion, chopped

• 2 tbsp olive oil

• 3 cups hot broth (I use Better Than Bouillon Seasoned Vegetable Base)

• 6 cups hot water

• 2 tbsp tahini paste

• 1/8 tsp cinnamon

• 1/4 tsp cumin

• 1/2 tsp white pepper

• 3/4 tsp turmeric 

• 1 tsp smoked paprika

• 1 tsp dried oregano

• 2 tsp dried tarragon

• 1 tbsp soy sauce

• 3 tbsp minced garlic

• 3 bay leaves

• 4 tbsp aged sherry vinegar (I use the Sanchez Romate Vinagre de Jerez from Zingerman’s. It’s pricey, but the bottle lasts a year and has so many uses.)

• 1 tsp molasses

Process

1. Sort through your dry beans to remove any that are severely shriveled, cracked, broken, bug-damaged, badly discolored, or moldy. Also remove any small pebbles, clumps of dirt, foreign seeds, or other debris (rare, but I’ve seen it!).

2. Transfer the sorted beans to a colander and rinse them well under cool running water to wash away any dust or loose residue.

3. To your Instant Pot, add the olive oil and chopped onion. Using the Sauté setting on low, sauté the onion until soft & translucent (about 10 minutes). Turn off the heat.

4. Add hot broth, hot water, and tahini paste to the Instant Pot and stir until tahini paste is somewhat incorporated (it doesn’t have to be fully dissolved in the liquid - it will continue dispersing as the beans cook).
   Then add cinnamon, cumin, white pepper, turmeric, smoked paprika, oregano, tarragon, soy sauce, and minced garlic.
   Finally, add your bay leaves and rinsed black beans to the Instant Pot, stir all ingredients well, and lock the pot lid into place.

5. Set your Instant Pot to the Pressure Cook setting on High, and ensure the vent is set to Seal/Sealing (not Vent or Venting).
   Cook the beans for 20 minutes. When complete, let the pressure release naturally (i.e., do not open the vent for quick venting). This may take ~30 minutes.

6. After the pressure has released, open your Instant Pot. Add the sherry vinegar and molasses to the pot and stir well.

Congrats! - your beans are ready to eat at this point…but we find that letting them mellow in the fridge for a day deepens and rounds off the flavors, making them taste extra bougie-hippie-restaurant-quality (10/10, would recommend).

If you want to add fresh, canned, or grilled sweet corn kernels to your beans, you can mix them in at this stage (prior to refrigeration) or add them later on top of individual servings of beans. We love to add sweet corn kernels, shredded sharp cheddar, salsa, and cilantro. And a squeeze of lime never hurts!

Even with all of these toppings, our average cost per serving for Bougie Black Beans™️ comes out to a tidy $1.45/serving since we grow our own cilantro & corn and make our own salsa. If we pick up those ingredients from the store, the Bougie Black Beans™️ are still only ~$1.75/serving. Not too shabby for a filling and emotionally-satisfying end-times meal, eh?

Happy eating, friends!